that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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