the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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