is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
