In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
