you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
