I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
