everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Panties = found
Randomize
