So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
