Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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