Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
