It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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