Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
