Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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