I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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