I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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