They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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