y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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