Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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