At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
