Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
