when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
