My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
