I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
