I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The adults are the big ones right?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
