My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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