Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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