after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
