I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
