I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
