I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
