Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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