Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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