she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
