if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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