I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
