JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The ass gains better be worth it
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
