i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
