it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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