the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
