hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
