We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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