Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
