Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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