We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Randomize
