so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
