I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
