I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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