Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
