I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
