My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
